I got a solid 5 hours sleep last night and participated in a treasure hunt all over the resort this afternoon. I was unseasonally hot and I worked up a sweat.
The group is a group of women my friend and I joined a year ago for monthly scrapbooking workshops and we know them all a little bit, but they have been doing this weekend retreat for 9 years and know each other REALLY well. This is not a problem for me. If it's too raucous I tune out and focus on my own things, also I don't take offense easily.
My friend on the other hand is struggling. I have unintentionally contributed. Between us we have a running joke about me being quick and her procrastinating to the point I tell her to "just stick it down". This has been going on all weekend and others have joined in. We got even got awards at dinner tonight - her as the Tortoise, slow and steady and me as the Hare. By itself this is not and would not have been a problem.
The problem arose when at dinner a very strong personality yelled her down and laughed at her with out letting her explain what she had actually said. I didn't pick up on the clues as we walked back to the conference room. She commented on how competitive this person is and I just brushed it off without letting her get it out. So, about half an hour later when another (lovely) lady was offering a cocktail, I said "OK" and my friend said "just a drop", I laughed and told her she had to have more.
She burst into tears and fled the room.
I followed her down to the toilets and proceeded to attempt to get her to come out, with her crying on one side of the door and me crying on the other because I realised that I had contributed to her upset state.
She is a really good friend, one of my best friends. We are so different it just works.
I am devastated that I upset her.
Being tired and emotional myself, I had no idea how to help her. In the end I went back to the room and when asked by the organiser if all would be OK I burst into tears and left the room again.
This is way out of my comfort zone. I struggle to deal with emotional stuff, especially other people's emotional stuff.
Luckily this quick exit, prompted the other "newby" to track down my friend in the ladies and offer some insight that actually helped. She then came and got me, told me it was not my fault (a small lie...) and got us talking and back in the room, quieter but scrapping again.
I really envy people with this ability. They seem to instinctively know what to do and say in an awkward situation. I often can not work out what they did that was different to what I tried and why it worked.
So I'm shocking with tears. How are you?
Playing along with Where's My Glow.
Tough day you had by the sounds of it.
ReplyDeleteIt's awkward when you feel it to the heart too.
You know you didn't mean it and maybe her problems are deeper than she has let on.
Maybe your friend was more embarassed with you than the lady she didn't know.
Like people standing on the edge of a building...it often is just one person who makes the difference and a stranger.
(hugs)
I guess you are right. We haven't mentioned it since. I think she really needed the break and probably the breakdown too! I know I needed to get away from home for a break and she has a special needs son who has her running from appointment to appointment. For the last 8 years this would probably have been her first good sized chunk of ME time.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I went to the room and wrote about it at the time. Rereading it just now, I think I felt much better just posting it online.
Sounds like a bit of a tough one. I tend to be fine with other peoples' tears and emotions but not with my own. If only I could turn my skills around on to myself I'd be a much happier person.
ReplyDelete