I published it. For a whole 1.5 minutes.
I just couldn't do it. It was totally not me, even though I had had a bad day and it was raw emotion driving the keyboard. It just came out all wrong and in too much detail.
I've kept the post and I have re-read it today and I've decided that the back story of my roller coaster life that came spewing out in the middle of the post, can stay and I will post it edited down, once I'm sure I'm not making myself or my kids a target of some very bad people.
I'm just mentioning this published, then not post because it has made me really think about my blog and what it's purpose is and what from my life should and should not be for general consumption. I started it as a bit of a something to do and had a half hearted stab at writing a few posts. Then earlier this year I decided it could be a bit therapeutic and put a bit more effort into it. This mostly leads to me thinking alot about fabulous posts that never see the light of day, but I am thinking about stuff other than the mundane and I'm sure this has helped my neural pathways redevelop post baby brain, which I have been suffering. I think the fog is starting to clear...
The post I wrote last night contained lots of crappy stuff from the last 4 years and reads like a bad soap opera, but is all true. This is where it got scary having it out there (wherever there is). I don't mind telling people about death threats and body guards and having kidnap scenario drills with my kids in real life, but I started to worry about how it read, who could read it and what it could lead too. Would I be setting us up as targets again? It is all bubbling up, trying to get out because we have found ourselves in a similar situation to what came before the crap and I am obviously subconsciously processing it and wondering if the outcome will be the same this time.
The upshot of all this unedited rambling (thanks for bothering to read this far...) is that I really respect the bloggers who let it all hang out and I want to write truthfully, warts and all about my own life. I have learnt heaps from reading peoples blogs and hope that my experiences can help others.
Right, I'm off to bath the kids. I'll put the edited version of the post up over the weekend (if you are still interested after reading all the way down to here...).
Have a good weekend.
Ah it is a difficult decision, knowing how much to out out there. I have had a private blog for a long time and made one private and stated again and have decided to go with fake names for my newest blog. I dont want many readers on my "personal" blog, it's not the one I'm spruiking!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to alert you that your post is still visible in the rss feed. I don't know of a way to delete it from there but people can still read it, just not on the actual blog :(
Yeah I know it's a problem that being rather unfixable I'm ignoring. I'm not worried about my current followers (;)) and I will post a much better version once I get it edited and it makes some sense.
ReplyDeleteThe moral to the story is don't post in a rush/bad mood/moment of insanity/while under the influence of alcohol etc. TeeHee! Thanks Leah. I'm a very open person it's the workaholic who freaks...
As a P.S., I did know that if you post it and then edit it to blank it does clear the text from the feed, but I deleted it without thinking last night... Again, duhh!
ReplyDeleteHey I hope you are ok.
ReplyDeleteTreadng this line is hard. It can make you feel vulnerable and exposed. I am sure that all of us have been there about how much to make public. Sometimes in the heat of the moment it is hard to be level headed about this. Sometimes I find that when I feel very emotional about something I try to make a draft first. Give it a few days to process it and then sometimes some gentle editing can still get the message across and somehow there is a softening of the words and subject and it feels much better.
I have not read this post.
I am constantly questioning my blog and my motives. It is evolving. And hey it is fun too.
x
Hi Jill, Thanks. I agree the evolution is fun. I am being cautious for the sake of the Workaholic, he's a little fragile at the moment and my announcing our woes, even long over ones to the word would push all the wrong buttons just now! I soooo agree about editing, but I do want to keep it real. It's a balancing act. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat is a great tip, deleting the contents of the post but not the actual post, will remember that one! I somehow hit publish on a post I'd only written a sentence of, I could have done that then.
ReplyDelete