I published it. For a whole 1.5 minutes.
I just couldn't do it. It was totally not me, even though I had had a bad day and it was raw emotion driving the keyboard. It just came out all wrong and in too much detail.
I've kept the post and I have re-read it today and I've decided that the back story of my roller coaster life that came spewing out in the middle of the post, can stay and I will post it edited down, once I'm sure I'm not making myself or my kids a target of some very bad people.
I'm just mentioning this published, then not post because it has made me really think about my blog and what it's purpose is and what from my life should and should not be for general consumption. I started it as a bit of a something to do and had a half hearted stab at writing a few posts. Then earlier this year I decided it could be a bit therapeutic and put a bit more effort into it. This mostly leads to me thinking alot about fabulous posts that never see the light of day, but I am thinking about stuff other than the mundane and I'm sure this has helped my neural pathways redevelop post baby brain, which I have been suffering. I think the fog is starting to clear...
The post I wrote last night contained lots of crappy stuff from the last 4 years and reads like a bad soap opera, but is all true. This is where it got scary having it out there (wherever there is). I don't mind telling people about death threats and body guards and having kidnap scenario drills with my kids in real life, but I started to worry about how it read, who could read it and what it could lead too. Would I be setting us up as targets again? It is all bubbling up, trying to get out because we have found ourselves in a similar situation to what came before the crap and I am obviously subconsciously processing it and wondering if the outcome will be the same this time.
The upshot of all this unedited rambling (thanks for bothering to read this far...) is that I really respect the bloggers who let it all hang out and I want to write truthfully, warts and all about my own life. I have learnt heaps from reading peoples blogs and hope that my experiences can help others.
Right, I'm off to bath the kids. I'll put the edited version of the post up over the weekend (if you are still interested after reading all the way down to here...).
Have a good weekend.