Sunday, 3 April 2011

How do you tell your friend their child is a bully

and do they want to know?

What do you do if your friend has a child who is a bully and becoming so all round horrible (a terrible thing to feel about a child) that your husband wants them barred from the house?

You know this friend well and they only hear what they want to.

Is there any point tackling it head on?  Or is it best to just phase them out of your life?

I'm torn.

I know the child is neglected at home, has no routines and lives in squalor (only a very few people know this secret - from the outside they appear well looked after and as many hoarders live, are very focused on appearances so nobody finds out).  No visitors can go to the house its so bad.  How can this child experience normal childhood or friendships and learn how to not be a bully?  Am I taking it out on the child by cutting off contact to protect my kids?

My kids should come first, but should I attempt to help this child or protect my kids from him?


  1. I think either way your friendship will be changed. I always think honesty is the best policy... but this is a tough one.

    I hope you can find a solution soon. x

  2. What a terrible situation to find yourself in! It is very hard to know what to advise you. I think you have to trust your instincts and look after your family first. I don't think your friend will appreciate your truth, so flight may be the best?

  3. I have to say, we have already moved to them coming here instead of us going there (The Workaholic freaks out if our kids are out of his site in their mess). It's very sad for these kids, they are becoming more and more isolated due to their living conditions.

    I'm fairly certain we are heading for flight. My friend will never hear me if I try confronting her about the situation.

  4. This sounds horribly complicated. I guess the things is to maintain the lines of discipline with those kids as with your own. Your house, your rules kind of thing? Is there any way you could liaise with the school to get some help for him. They may be able to intervene in another less confrontational way. Just a thought. Glad I found your blog today. Am now following x

  5. Thanks Sarah.

    I have always treated these kids the same as my own. The younger one is a bit scared of me but goes along with our routines beautifully. The problem one is a stellar sneak and goes all covert on the bully front!! I'm onto it though. I know that the school has attempted to make my friend do a couple of things relating to health as well as behaviour for this child but there has been no parental response!


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