Monday, 26 September 2011

I Hate Weddings


I've always hated them.

It's probably why I took so many years and so many proposals before I weakened and one Sunday night turned to the Workaholic totally out of the blue and said, "I suppose it is time we got married".  He in turn, leaped up and herded me out and into the car so he could drive us over to the parents houses to announce the news before I changed my mind. (My parents thought it was a joke and took no notice till 4 weeks later when my brother, who was still in high school and living with them, asked why he wasn't told - but that is definitely a whole other post...).

They make me uncomfortable in so many ways.

I hate sitting through the actual ceremony bit.  I have an uncanny knack for knowing at that moment exactly the fate of the union (if I don't already know).  It's a family thing from my Mum's side.  She always knows the sex of people's babies, well before they do, that's her thing.

When I was 3 or 4 my Uncle got married to my now ex Aunt, I was supposed to be their flower girl.  I refused to walk down the aisle.  They divorced not long after.  I remember feeling like I just did not want to be involved.

When my childhood, besty got married I got physically ill on the way from the church in Kensington to the reception at Vaucluse and had to go home. She and I have basically not spoken since. She knows about my psychic ability at Weddings.

Sometimes I know in advance.  I actually sat my sister in law down a couple of months before her wedding (to a guy I liked and had no grudges against - I just knew), and asked her some very pointed questions, trying to get her to work it out for herself.  Everyone in her family was telling her not to do it which was making her even more determined, so I hoped I might get through to her.  It was just after they separated that she came to me and thanked me.  She had realised while the marriage was falling apart that I had asked her all the right questions but she wasn't ready to answer them honestly.

I went to five weddings one year and walked out knowing 4 would be divorcing within a couple of years.

My best buddy, eloped and didn't even tell me she was doing it because among other things she says she couldn't stand it if I knocked back her bridesmaid request and then went all weak at the knees during the reception... They are actually great together and I would have happily been her bridesmaid.

I. always. know.

My strike rate is impressive.  The Workaholic always asks me for the verdict after the ceremony and again after the reception.

Do you really want me at your wedding??

I totally hate the guilt ridden invitation.  I have no right to expect to be at your Wedding.  Nobody does actually, not even your family if you don't want them there.  It's your day.  I may be your cousin/best friend/person who introduced you/daughter of your Mothers best friend, but if you don't want me there, that's fine.

Just so we are clear,

To anyone getting married - I am so not offended to not be on your guest list.  I don't need you to explain, it's YOUR wedding, enjoy yourself. You will be kicking yourself for spending so much money on it in years to come anyway.

Same goes for being bridesmaid. 

I HATE being in the bridal party.

This is a chore, not an honour or a pleasure for me.  Please don't ask me, because you will get this response,"No thanks, please ask someone who would really enjoy it".  I finally got the courage to knock back requests after years of "Oh, I'd love to, it would be an honour." sometime after the hell of having my own somewhat unwilling but obligatory bridesmaids.

I hate the whole looking for the dress and shoes (No, I really WONT wear it again and NO $550 is not a bargain).

I especially hate the crappy functions you are forced to attend when you are in the bridal party, or even worse, you get the honour of ORGANISING them.  Did the fact that I never actually got Engaged, never had a Bridal Shower, Kitchen Tea, Hen's night (eergh) or Baby shower pass you by?  I hate these things.  Oh please don't invite me to those either, you can, but I will definitely decline the invitation, please don't be offended.  I wont feel left out or hold a grudge if you leave me off the list all together, in fact I'll think much much better of you for knowing me so well.

The worst part for me though, about being in the bridal party, is that I don't get to sit with the Workaholic and enjoy a night out (even if it is a Wedding).

These days I only accept invitations to Weddings I truly want to attend and I enjoy them so much more.

So, the reason for this post?

To my young friends getting married next week:

Thank you for not inviting us.  I sense you have felt some guilt and have been a bit awkward around us, but be assured nobody here is offended or feels that we have been snubbed.  We don't know your friends, probably couldn't get a babysitter  anyway and by the way, don't need an invitation to still buy you a kick arse gift ;) .  Please enjoy your day and I hope you have a wonderful life together (I'm feeling positive).

Lots of Love,

From all at the House of O.

What are your thoughts on Weddings?

Yeah I know, blatantly trawling for readers...
Linking up with Where's my Glow.


  1. Wow, I can see that ability could be a huge downer. I want to know if your childhood bestie is still married? If so are they still happy or just not wanting to add another predicted outcome to your number?

    I hope your friends enjoy themselves on their special day and love their kick ass present.

  2. hi Sam, I'm not a big fan of weddings either... D and I aren't married (despite being together for 11 years and having 2 kids), a bit because we have better things to do with the money, and because we don't like being at he centre of attention, and because of some issues I had with weddings since studying into the meaning of certain traditions and what weddings really signify historically...

    I've been to a few weddings in my lifetime, some have been wonderful celebrations of the couple's love and their appreciation for their family and friends, but most weddings are not.

    Here's my rant:
    - there's nothing romantic about starting your married life living with the in-laws because you won't be able to afford living by yourselves for at least 2 years to repay the wedding debt
    - I don't like it when people blindly follow traditions without knowing the true meaning behind them
    - most brides don't even look like themselves on the day, such is the amount of make-up they wear (just so they can look "perfect" in overpriced photos of themselves)
    - many brides are so vane and just want a day of grandiose Hollywood glamour, they don't really seem to care about the most important part, which is the marriage, what comes the day after the pompous ceremony, the building of a happy life together
    - selfishly, I'm tired of D being involved in bridal parties so that I'm stuck at the table with the "bridal party's other half" where I don't know a single person; even worse now that I have kids, I have to look after 2 littlies by myself at formal events that are never child-friendly!
    - it is ridiculous that some couples nowadays will choose to travel overseas or interstate or far away from home to get married, just so their day can be more special, then they tell their guests "don't worry about a present, just buy your plane ticket, having you there will be present enough". Bullshit. The guests will still buy a present or give money, and the couple knows it. You like Fiji? Go there on your honeymoon, don't force another 100 people to go there
    - because couples spend so much on dresses, carriages, flowers, photos, decorations, etc, the food at the reception/dinner always seems to be the weakest link, with most weddings having really crap food (unless you go to a Greek or Vietnamese or Italian or other ethnic wedding, absolute feasts!). If you have already spent 20K on the ceremony and are trying to save a buck at the reception, just don't bother! Am I too harsh????? Yeah I know it's supposed to be a celebration of the couple's love, but if you're gonna force me to travel far away or put a $200 silver platter on your gift registry, the least you can do is shout me a half decent meal!

    Ok, end of rant... I'm sure I can come up with other annoying things...

  3. oh yeah, that most ceremonies are so utterly pretentious and fake and the speeches are streaming with sickening cliches and so booooring and you just can't wait for the best man to make a huge faux pas in his speech...

  4. E. Still together, but lots of issues.

    SaraMG - You REALLY hate Weddings! Good for you standing up for what you believe it. You should def write a post about it!! Oops you just did... ;)

    Thanks for the comments.

  5. I wish I could write a post about it, but if the rellies come across it they'll realise how much of what I wrote might apply to my SIL's wedding where Sosi had the "honour" of being flowergirl and D had the "honour" of being MC (so throughout the whole reception I'm stuck at the table trying to feed and entertain by myself 2 little kids from 5pm till wayyy past their bedtime with no help from any of the in-laws [who are the only babysitters my kids are used to so I couldn't have called anyopne else to help] because they're all too busy having fun) and that would start a huge family feud lol bigger than your family feuds lol
    so I just rant on other people's blogs ;)


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