I Hate Weddings

 

I've always hated them.

It's probably why I took so many years and so many proposals before I weakened and one Sunday night turned to the Workaholic totally out of the blue and said, "I suppose it is time we got married".  He in turn, leaped up and herded me out and into the car so he could drive us over to the parents houses to announce the news before I changed my mind. (My parents thought it was a joke and took no notice till 4 weeks later when my brother, who was still in high school and living with them, asked why he wasn't told - but that is definitely a whole other post...).

They make me uncomfortable in so many ways.

I hate sitting through the actual ceremony bit.  I have an uncanny knack for knowing at that moment exactly the fate of the union (if I don't already know).  It's a family thing from my Mum's side.  She always knows the sex of people's babies, well before they do, that's her thing.

When I was 3 or 4 my Uncle got married to my now ex Aunt, I was supposed to be their flower girl.  I refused to walk down the aisle.  They divorced not long after.  I remember feeling like I just did not want to be involved.

When my childhood, besty got married I got physically ill on the way from the church in Kensington to the reception at Vaucluse and had to go home. She and I have basically not spoken since. She knows about my psychic ability at Weddings.

Sometimes I know in advance.  I actually sat my sister in law down a couple of months before her wedding (to a guy I liked and had no grudges against - I just knew), and asked her some very pointed questions, trying to get her to work it out for herself.  Everyone in her family was telling her not to do it which was making her even more determined, so I hoped I might get through to her.  It was just after they separated that she came to me and thanked me.  She had realised while the marriage was falling apart that I had asked her all the right questions but she wasn't ready to answer them honestly.

I went to five weddings one year and walked out knowing 4 would be divorcing within a couple of years.

My best buddy, eloped and didn't even tell me she was doing it because among other things she says she couldn't stand it if I knocked back her bridesmaid request and then went all weak at the knees during the reception... They are actually great together and I would have happily been her bridesmaid.

I. always. know.


My strike rate is impressive.  The Workaholic always asks me for the verdict after the ceremony and again after the reception.


Do you really want me at your wedding??


I totally hate the guilt ridden invitation.  I have no right to expect to be at your Wedding.  Nobody does actually, not even your family if you don't want them there.  It's your day.  I may be your cousin/best friend/person who introduced you/daughter of your Mothers best friend, but if you don't want me there, that's fine.

Just so we are clear,

To anyone getting married - I am so not offended to not be on your guest list.  I don't need you to explain, it's YOUR wedding, enjoy yourself. You will be kicking yourself for spending so much money on it in years to come anyway.

Same goes for being bridesmaid. 

I HATE being in the bridal party.

This is a chore, not an honour or a pleasure for me.  Please don't ask me, because you will get this response,"No thanks, please ask someone who would really enjoy it".  I finally got the courage to knock back requests after years of "Oh, I'd love to, it would be an honour." sometime after the hell of having my own somewhat unwilling but obligatory bridesmaids.

I hate the whole looking for the dress and shoes (No, I really WONT wear it again and NO $550 is not a bargain).

I especially hate the crappy functions you are forced to attend when you are in the bridal party, or even worse, you get the honour of ORGANISING them.  Did the fact that I never actually got Engaged, never had a Bridal Shower, Kitchen Tea, Hen's night (eergh) or Baby shower pass you by?  I hate these things.  Oh please don't invite me to those either, you can, but I will definitely decline the invitation, please don't be offended.  I wont feel left out or hold a grudge if you leave me off the list all together, in fact I'll think much much better of you for knowing me so well.

The worst part for me though, about being in the bridal party, is that I don't get to sit with the Workaholic and enjoy a night out (even if it is a Wedding).

These days I only accept invitations to Weddings I truly want to attend and I enjoy them so much more.

So, the reason for this post?

To my young friends getting married next week:

Thank you for not inviting us.  I sense you have felt some guilt and have been a bit awkward around us, but be assured nobody here is offended or feels that we have been snubbed.  We don't know your friends, probably couldn't get a babysitter  anyway and by the way, don't need an invitation to still buy you a kick arse gift ;) .  Please enjoy your day and I hope you have a wonderful life together (I'm feeling positive).

Lots of Love,

From all at the House of O.
xxx

What are your thoughts on Weddings?

Yeah I know, blatantly trawling for readers...
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